


Confusing Feelings

by BoyzoneTrash



Category: Boyzone - Fandom
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Oblivious Ronan, Supportive Mikey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22420315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyzoneTrash/pseuds/BoyzoneTrash
Summary: Holy fuck. Stephen knew this was might get a little awkward, but this wasn’t awkward, this was terrible. He was currently sat in an armchair in the room they used to change and get their make-up and hair done, trying not to be awkward or creepy starring at his friends and coworkers. Well one of them in particular: Ronan.
Relationships: Ronan Keating/Stephen Gately
Kudos: 2





	Confusing Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> a.k.a. when our small obsession went slightly off the rails. Hope someone can enjoy this anyways.

Holy fuck. Stephen knew this was might get a little awkward, but this wasn’t awkward, this was terrible. He was currently sat in an armchair in the room they used to change and get their make-up and hair done, trying not to be awkward or creepy starring at his friends and coworkers. Well one of them in particular: Ronan.

Ronan was… something special. He was a nice guy, a good friend. Stephen and he clicked pretty quickly - they became friends basically immediately - and while all of them had developed a good friendship over the time they spend together Ronan sometimes just got him on a different level. He was also very fucking handsome. His hair looked so soft Stephen just wanted to touch it, the grin that was constantly on his face as he bounced around was adorable and Stephen would definitely be lying to himself if he said Ronan wasn’t built fairly  
well.

As Stephen sat in the chair waiting for his turn to get his hair done – like he wasn’t capable of doing that himself – he kept his eyes fixed straight forward. He was the first one to finish changing, his original intention being to get done fast to be able to escape the room before it could get awkward, but he didn’t know their stylist would make him stay in the room to wait for his turn. And now he was surrounded by his friends getting changed. God, why did they all have to be so good looking? It was really hard not to just ogle at them.

He knew that was creepy and he could definitely not allow himself to do so, because if he did and they caught him he’d be done for. They would know he was gay and they’d think of him as a creep, leading them to not wanting to be his friends anymore. Damnit, if they knew his worst secret and wouldn’t be okay with it, soon everybody would know and he’d definitely get kicked out of the band. Then the public would know and he’d beaten up and discriminated and…. No, he could not let anybody know he was gay, so he could not allow himself to stare like some creep.

The worst part was, the others were pretty comfortable changing together. Well, at least they didn’t seem to mind, even with their female stylist a few feet away, but Ronan really took the cake. While the others were actually changing – like normal people - Ronan was dancing around the room shirtless, apparently on his way to the get his shirt from the clothing rack across the room, but instead of walking like any normal human he skipped around, humming something that sounded an awful lot like the single they were filming for today.

As Ronan ‘walked’ past Stephen the latter’s glance automatically followed his friend, but as his eyes stuck to the other’s naked upper body he had to snap his head away to avert his eyes.

‘NO! DON’T STARE! DON’T STARE... uhhh look at those abs- NO! NO NO NO NO! NO STARING!’

Stephen willed his eyes to stick to his lap, the words ‘don’t stare’ as a mantra in his head, but his brain betrayed him as the image of a shirtless Ronan invaded his mind. He feared he wasn’t mistaken in the assumption that his face now warm face was tinted a light pink and tried to force his mind onto something else.

Stephen was so lost trying to sort his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Ronan trying to catch his intention until the other boy taped his arm. Stephen snapped his head up, startled by the unexpected touch. He found himself looking at Ronan’s upper body. Still shirtless. Fuck, he had abs. Up close it was very noticeable. He wasn’t totally ripped, but his chest and stomach were fairly defined and Stephen found himself wanting to drool. He only closely managed to prevent himself from reaching out and touching his friend’s chest as he snapped back into reality. The boy shook his head to clear his mind from the invading, wrong thoughts and he snapped his gaze to Ronan’s face.

Ronan was standing in front of him, his head slightly tilted like a puppy would as he looked at him with a questioning look on his face. Stephen tried saying something, but he didn’t find himself capable of stringing a coherent sentence together, instead – more or less voluntarily - just opting to staring blankly at the younger boy.

“Hey, Steo”, Ronan addressed him, “you good, buddy?”

Stephen stared at him dumfounded, his mind still too jumbled to form a straight thought “W-what?” he muttered out. Very eloquent.

“Are you feeling alright? You just seem a little absent and quiet”, Ronan elaborated.

“Y-yeah”, Stephen stuttered.

“Are you really sure? You’re so stuttery, are you maybe feeling ill?” the younger boy pressed his hand to Stephen's forehead.

He took a step further into Stephen’s personal space: His shins were now touching the latter’s and he put his arms on the arm rests of the chair. Stephen was now caged in, automatically trying scooting back further, pressing his back into the armchair. He felt his cheeks heating up and silently prayed his friend didn’t notice.

“No, I-I’m good.”

Why was Stephen not capable of answering simple questions? What was going on? He wasn’t usually so unsure and unfocused.

“You don’t got a headache or something? You do seem a little red. Do you feel hot? I think you might be a little hot. Maybe you wanna take that sweater off.”

The comment – as innocent as it was probably intended - caused the soft blush on Stephen’s face to darken, but Ronan seemed to pay no notice to it, seemingly too focused and worried. The younger boy determinately stepped even closer to Stephen, one of his legs now between his friend’s, neither of them even noticing how Stephen subconsciously made himself smaller and smaller. He starring at the other terrified as Ronan leaned forward and reached out to feel Stephen’s forehead.

Stephen was now on eye level with the other boy’s naked chest and so close that once again his eyes snapped down to stare at it like they had developed their own will. He couldn’t stop himself from admiring the other boy’s chest. His eyes darted all over it and his stomach, as he got completely lost in his thoughts, but the hand on his forehead shifting a little snapped him out of it again. He felt his heart beating in his throat. Fast and so loud he thought Ro was going to be able to hear it with the close proximity the two boys were in.

“Hmm”, Ro pulled his hand back again and straightened up a bit, without stepping back though, his other hand also returning to its previous spot on the other arm rest. “You don’t feel like you have a fever.”

„No, I-” Stephen tried explaining, but Ronan interrupted him.

„Are you feeling sick maybe? Dizzy? You wanna go outside for a sec? Maybe we should let you get a little fresh air. Come on, up you get! Careful though!“

Before Stephen had a chance to protest Ronan had already grabbed both his upper arms and pulled him to his feet. They were chest to chest for a second because of how close their feet were together when Ronan pulled Stephen up and the latter tried taking a step back to put distance between them. It didn‘t work though, because his legs hit the front of the armchair and he almost collapsed back into it, if it weren‘t for Ronan’s hold on his arms. This stumbling only convinced Ronan even more of his assumption that something wasn’t quite right with his friend and he drew his eyebrows together, a concerned look etched on his face. Ro took a step away from Stephen, his eyes assessing as he slowly loosened his grip on the other boy.

„I swear I’m okay, Ro“, Stephen finally managed to string a coherent sentence together.

„Bullshit, dude! I know something‘s off about you today. Did you get enough sleep last night? Did drink enough? You haven’t skipped out on breakfast again, have you?“

‚God, he‘s so cute when he rambles. So worried - maybe he actually cares?‘

„What’s up, guys?“ Mikey interrupted Ronan‘s rambling and Stephen‘s thoughts, as he came up behind the youngest of the boys and put his hand on his shoulder.

„Hey Mike! Something’s wrong with Steo, I think he‘s not doing too well. Look at how red he looks and he’s a little unsteady-” Ronan went on again

„Well, what does Steo have to say about that?“ The question was obviously meant to be answered by Stephen, giving him a chance to explain himself, but Ronan was quicker to answer.

„He keeps denying it, but I think he’s just trying to play it off, you know him, look at him! It’s like he’s not himself right now!“

„So what’re you gonna do?“

„Well, I was gonna take him to get some fresh air, maybe that’ll help a bit“

„Yeah, that’s a good idea .You know what? I’m gonna do that for ya. You two are the only ones not done yet and you should really get a move on“, Mikey suggested, though the authority and conviction in his voice left no room for arguments.

Stephen and Ronan both glanced around the room and yes, Mikey was right. They were the only ones not done yet, Shane and Keith not even in the room anymore and their stylist waiting at her setup on the far wall.

„Go on, I’ve got this”, Mikey softly pushed Ronan towards the set up.

„You sure?“ Ronan seemed unsure and concerned, but Mikey threw him a confident smile and waved him off.

„Yeah, yeah, he’ll be alright, trust me - now go on!“

Stephen could only watch the whole situation perplexed, his mind still working hard to progress the past few minutes and trudged along as Mikey led him to the parking lot. On their way, they passed their manager and a few of the other people that organized the shoot, who asked where the two boys were headed, but Mikey explained shortly and they were allowed to proceed with the promise of staying on the premises and not taking too long.

Mikey opened the door for them and the two of them crossed the parking lot. He led the younger boy to his car on the far side of the parking lot where he leaned on the hood and waited for Stephen to follow his example.

Stephen looked around parking lot. It was fairly empty, a few of the crew’s cars and vans that were used to transport the equipment were scattered on it, but there were no people around. The two of them sat in silence, until after a while Mikey spoke up.

„So“, Mikey started, „what‘s actually going on?“

Stephen didn‘t understand. God, why was his mind so jumbled today? Maybe it was because it was way too early, even Mikey always complained about that. His thoughts went a mile a minute as he tried to find an answer for the question. He tried to trace back to how he got into that situation. What actually was the problem? When he finally figured it, the color drained from his face. Stephen’s gaze snapped to his friend.

Mikey sighed. „Come on, Steo, it‘s obvious something‘s up. You’re not sick, something else is going on, but that’s okay. You can trust me, you can tell me anything. Hell, you can trust any of the others too, and you know it, so why can‘t you just talk about it to us?“

There were so many things that went through Stephen’s mind, so many things he wanted to say, but he found himself unable to voice any of them. He didn’t want to lie to Mikey. He trusted and cared for him and all of their other friends and he knew they cared for him too. He could not stand misusing their trust. But what other options did he have? Telling the truth would be even worse. Stephen was too unsure about their reactions if he were to spill his thoughts, and he could not risk their friendship for something as pathetic as his confusing emotions. If lying meant he could prevent him losing everything he currently cared about the most, the subsequent guilt was a burden he would have to carry.

“O-of course, Mike. I know I can trust you – all of you – a-and I do. How could I not?”

”Well why don’t you wanna talk to me then?”

”Because there is nothing to talk about”, Stephen’s voice sounded a lot less steady then he intended it to.

”Come on, bud. You can’t lie to me, so don’t even try. There is no need to lie. I want you to know that I am always here for you. You can tell me anything and I promise not to judge you. I could never, no matter what – I give you my word on that. I’ll always lend you an ear, but I promise I’d never force you to tell me anything you’re uncomfortable with talking about. You should never have to feel you should be embarrassed by anything, but if you don’t feel you want to tell me I won’t press. Me, and any of the others for that matter, we care for you and only want your best.”

Mikey’s words had the opposite impact on Stephen than the former intended them to. They were supposed to be encouraging and reassuring – Stephen knew that – but instead they made his heart sink. The feeling of guilt washed through him and made his chest clench. He knew he didn’t have to feel guilty - Mike would never want him to - but Stephen felt like he owed him and the rest of the boys an explanation. He should show them his trust, instead of being so closed off like he did lately, when all they gave him in return was acceptance and openness, but he feared that a confession would cross the line on said acceptance.

Realizing the younger boy didn’t know how to respond to his previous statement Mikey continued with a sigh. “You can trust us. Any of the other boys would second everything I just told you, but, you know, if you’re very unsure you could tell me and I wouldn’t tell any of the others. If you don’t want them to know what’s up we can keep this between the two of us exclusively. But you can’t keep telling yourself you’re alright. Both of us know that something’s bothering you and you need to get it off your chest instead of repressing it. It’ll only make whatever matter worse, trust me.”

FUCK! The others. Ronan! Stephen totally forgot Ronan. Telling the others was risky enough already but if he told Ronan… God, if Ronan knew about his… wrong thoughts, he’d for sure be disgusted by him. He’d think Stephen was creepy and weird and he’d never want to see him again. That would – again - result in him getting kicked out of the band, he’d be publically shamed and he’d never get to spend time with any of the boys again – not like they’d want to anymore anyway. But it wasn’t the idea of losing his job or his image, it was Ronan’s rejection and possibly, disgust at him, that hurt Stephen the most to think about. The pit in his stomach grew as he imagined the anger, maybe disappointment, but most importantly the betrayal that would be evident on his friend’s face if Stephen told him about the thoughts and feelings that plagued him. It hurt so much it almost forced a physical reaction out of him, but Stephen willed himself to clear his mind as the weight of Mikey’s hand on his shoulder became apparent again. The concerned look on the older boys face made Stephen realize he had to explain himself at least somehow to not worry his friends.

”Mike, please don’t worry about me. I assure you I’m fine, it’s just… I’m just a little out of it at the moment. I don’t even know what or why, maybe something’s just… off, but I’m sure I’ll get everything sorted out soon enough. Just please, don’t worry about me.”

Mikey’s facial expression softened a little and he smiled at the younger boy. “Steve, I’ll never not worry if you’re not feeling well. You’re one of my closest friends – you, me and the other boys? We’re brothers. I’ll always care for you, so I won’t just accept the fact that you’re not doing great - I’m gonna try my damn best to make sure you’ll get better. So… Maybe you want to talk to me about what might be bothering you? Maybe something that’s different than usual? We might be able to find the cause and you’ll feel better afterwards.”

”Thanks, Mikey, I really appreciate that. I really couldn’t thank you enough for all your support and… just for being my friend in general. I’m so glad I got to do this with all of you. I could’ve never wished for better brothers than you and the lads. I love all of you so much.”

”Of course, buddy. The others and me? We love ya too. But I think somebody’s trying to distract from the topic at hand”, Mike chuckled at the eye roll he got as a reply and playfully shoved his friend’s shoulder before encouraging him to answer the previous question.

Stephen sighed. He didn’t really want to tell Mike much, but he didn’t want to not answer his question either, so he just tried his best to keep the description as general as possible. Not revealing his secret was still the number one priority. “It’s really not bad, man. I don’t think you’ll be able to help much. I just… well, over the past days - weeks maybe - I’ve been having these… confusing… feelings? It’s weird, they just… happen occasionally and I don’t know what to do about them, because I think there isn’t even anything I could do and… They feel wrong and weird and I don’t know where they’re coming from, but I can’t seem to get rid of them. They frustrate me, but they also make me feel so… excited, maybe? But like I said, I’m just gonna have to deal with that myself. It’ll probably sort itself out soon.”

Mikey‘s reaction wasn’t what Stephen expected. No, it really wasn’t, because instead of maybe agreeing with him or just dropping the issue like Stephen had hoped the older boy chuckled. He laughed at him. What the hell?

„Oh Steo“, Mikey grinned at him, „you know what that sounds like?“

Stephen was really confused now. He slowly shook his head, causing another laugh to escape his friend.

„It sure sound like you‘ve got a little bit of a crush on somebody. Look at you, you’re blushing. Who‘s the lucky gal that‘s got you all flustered?“

„There is no girl. I don‘t have a crush“, and he really didn’t, right? He couldn’t. He could not be in love with one of his best friends - his brothers. It was wrong. And Mikey’s assumption wasn’t true - was it?

„Oh Steo, stop pretending. Do you even know what you just told me? You‘re definitely head over heels. Hey, I know how you feel. But you can’t just deny those feelings. Trust me - I tried. You know what I got me? Nothing. It’s only unhandleable desire and pain and it’s really not nice. But you know what I did then? I just grew a pair and asked her out, and now I’ve got a girlfriend and we’re happy. But you don’t get that if you don’t try. There’s nothing to lose, only to gain, soooooo“

„But I can’t just do that!“ Stephen protested.

„Why can’t you? You won’t know how she reacts until you try. You can never be sure, maybe she’ll like you back? Maybe she wants you too, but you can never have her cause you never asked her? You want that?“ 

„W-what?“ Mikey‘s rambling really started to confuse Stephen.

„Exactly, you wouldn’t! You don’t have to be scared of asking either. Like I said, what is there to lose? Sure, she might yell at you, maybe slap you, spill her drink over your head or push you into a hedge, not knowing there is a lake behind the bushes, so you end up falling in head first and land way too close to a swan‘s nest, who’ll then chase you around trying to bite you...“

„WHAT?“

„Yeah, not a nice experience... but welp, what’s the worst that could happen?“

Stephen didn’t know what to answer, but Mikey apparently didn’t need him to in the first place.

„So, I’m right to assume you’re not very experienced? Maybe I can help you a bit, give you a few tips here or there?“

Stephen wasn’t sure whether he wanted to get Mikey‘s help, but the other boy didn’t leave him the possibility of a polite decline.

„So who’s that mystery girl? Describe her to me.“

„Mike, there is no girl!“

„I thought we were past the point of denial. There is a girl and you want her to be your girlfriend.“

„I don’t want a girlfriend!“

„Ah Stephen, don’t be ridiculous. You’re old enough for a relationship, don’t behave like a little kid and pretend you don’t want it. Girls don’t actually all have cooties, y’know.“

„Mike, you don’t get me! No one does! I don’t want a girlfriend because I don’t want a relationship! I just don’t want- I don’t want... a-a girl!“ The younger boy‘s face was red with anger - not at his friend, at himself.

„Steve-“ 

„No! Don’t! Don’t look at me like that! I just don’t want girls, I don’t like girls! I’m- I’m a freak!“ Stephen‘s voice broke at the last part and he had to swallow the lump in his throat as tears - of anger, or pain or fear, he didn’t know – threatened to spill from his eyes, forcing him to work hard to keep his composure. 

„Stephen! Listen to me!“ Mikey tried to interrupt him, but Stephen didn’t care.

„I-I‘m a freak. A weirdo, a fucking creep...“, the boy was unable to hold back the tears anymore and they quietly ran down his cheeks. Stephen collapsed onto the ground and he pulled his knees into his chest as he leaned his back against the car and hid his face in his arms.

Mikey watched as his friend‘s body trembled from almost noiseless sobs and his heart painfully clenched in his chest. He dropped down to his knees next to the smaller boy, who seemed even tinier and vulnerable with his body pulled together so much. Mikey draped his arm around his friend and pulled him close, his hand running up and down Stephen’s arm trying to ground him.

„Mike, I‘m gay“, Stephen‘s voice sounded weak and muffled, but the other heard him clearly, „I‘m sorry, so, so terribly sorry.“

Mikey tried to calm his friends down. He was also a little overwhelmed by the situation, but he needed to stay calm. Stephen needed him to. 

„Steve, it’s alright. Shhh, please calm down, it’s okay.“

„Please don’t be mad. Please don’t.“

„What?“

„Don‘t be mad“, the younger boy chocked out.

„I‘m not“, Mike tried to reassure him, but his friend kept quietly repeating the phrase anyway.

There was nothing Mikey could do but to try and calm Stephen down, so he sat next to his friend, softly rubbing his arm and back until his sobs ceased.

„I‘m so sorry, Mike“, Stephen sniffed.

„Hey, don‘t be. There’s no need to be sorry.“

„But-”

„No. No buts. You shouldn’t be sorry. Neither for what you just told me, nor for crying. You should never be sorry for the way you feel.“

„But Mikey, I’m a freak! Don’t you think I’m a… disgusting weirdo? Don’t you want nothing to do with me anymore?“

„Why should I? Steo, I could never think that of you. None of us could. You’re our brother. We love you. No matter your sexuality - you’re still you, the Stephen we adore, because you’re not you because of your sexuality, but because or your kindness and your humor and the way you care for your friends and family. We love you - never doubt that.“

Stephen was overwhelmed by Mikey‘s kind words. It was not what the younger boy suspected, but he could not have been gladder. He was so touched and the relief that flooded his system almost made him want to cry again. Instead he flung his body into his friend‘s, almost knocking both of them over with the force of his hug as he repeated the words „thank you“ and „I love you so much too“ over and over again.

„You know what?“ Mikey said after the two of them separated again, „The fact that it’s not a girl doesn’t change the fact that you’re head over heels for somebody!“ 

Stephen blushed and groaned, trying to come up for a reason not to have to talk about it. He was more than lucky already with Mike accepting his sexuality, he could not push his luck and let him know that Ronan was the cause of those feelings Mikey titled a ‚crush‘. 

The older boy chuckled, „Come on, Steo! I mean I‘m not used to such conversations being about guys, but what difference does it make? A crush is a crush and you still can’t just ignore it, so come on, tell me about him!“

„Mikeyyy“, Stephen groaned, uncomfortable with the topic.

„Stop whining. He has to be an amazing guy if he’s got you so infatuated, so don’t be a wuss, what’s he like? Is he handsome?“ Mikey mocked in a girly voice, gaining himself a slap to the shoulder.

„There‘s no escaping this conversation, is there?“

„Nope!“ Mike grinned.

„Well.... you insist?“

„Stop trying to stall, I’ve got all day.“

„Technically we should be working right now“, Stephen trying appealing to his friend’s responsible side, but apparently Mikey was very determined to act like a middle school girl. 

„Pffff! This is more important. I won’t let you leave if you don’t tell me.“

„You’re childish.“ 

„You’re being childish denying your feelings.“ 

Stephen sighed, aware that giving in would be the best options, „Alright! What do you want to know?

„How does he look?“

„Wow, how deep. Not superficial at all.“

Mikey rolled his eyes, „Don’t go all smart ass on me.“

„Alright, alright. So... God, this is awkward...“

„You are making this awkward. Just get over it. Describe him.“

Stephen obliged, intending to stay as general as possible to make sure his friend could not connect the dots, „Okay... his eyes are this beautiful light blue - they may seem harsh and icy at first glance, but they’re so intriguing and they downright light up with love when he’s around the people he’s close to and does the things he likes“, well so much for staying general. Despite his intentions Stephen quickly got lost in his rambling - unfortunately unbeknownst to him though, „His hair seems blond, but under the right light it shines with a red cast. It makes it seem so fire-y, it just matches his bright personality, cause he’s just so full of love and passion. It’s so shiny and it always looks soft and I just wanna run my fingers through it so much, I sometimes have to physically stop myself from touching it. His jawline is... just perfect. It’s not too... sharp? What I mean is he still looks very sweet, but also strong and... manly...“, Stephen faltered slightly, a blush spreading on his face. He felt too awkward to look at his friend’s eyes as he continued with his description, „He’s a little taller than me, but not a lot - only a few centimeters - and slightly younger. Stop grinning at me, he’s not a kid or something, it’s only like a year. His personality is just... well, like I said, it’s very bright. He also constantly makes jokes and has stupid ideas - it sometimes scares the living hell out of me, cause some day he’s definitely getting himself hurt, which I of course want to never happen to him. He really drives me crazy with all the stupid shit he gets up to sometimes. Mike, why are you laughing at me? Stop that. I don’t think it’s funny.“

Stephen‘s gushing really didn’t hard for Mikey to figure out who his mystery crush was. That boy really didn’t know how to be subtle - it was almost like he wanted Mike to know who he was describing. The older boy couldn’t help the laughter that escaped him when the last part of his friend‘s description confirmed all of his suspicions.

„Mike, I‘m serious, you’re being an asshole.“

„I-I‘m sorry“, he squeezed out between laughs. The younger boy eyed him with his signature bitch-face until Mikey finally calmed down again. „So...“, Mikey started, „You‘re actually in love with Ro.“

Yes, Mikey had to admit he was kind of being a dick, but the shocked look on his friend‘s face as he turned red as a tomato was totally worth it. 

„W-WHAT?!“, Stephen squeaked, sounding a little like a cat that got its tail stepped on.

„You heard me and you know it. You are in love with Ronan Keating.“

Stephen‘s breath hitched in his throat in panic and his heart started beating so hard it felt like it smacked against his rib cage from the inside. He figured it out. Mikey figured it out. Stephen was doomed. „Please don‘t tell him!“, he blurted out. 

„Hey, I‘m not an asshole! Okay, I might be a little mean sometimes and tease you, like right now, but I’m not an asshole! Why should I tell him? That would be awful!“

A sigh of relief escaped Stephen. He didn’t even know he had been holding his breath in fear. „I don’t know, I was just scared you’d tell him“, he admitted.

„No reason to, buddy. I’d never misuse your trust like that.“

„I seriously can’t thank you enough today, Mike. I‘m so lucky to be able to call you one of my closest friends.“ 

„Hey, I‘m the lucky one for being able to be friends with you.“

Stephen chuckled, „Let‘s just agree we‘re both lucky for having gotten into the band and now leading this life together.“

„Amen to that, mate.“ 

The two boys in silence for a second until Mikey spoke up again, „Sooo.... you want me to get him to not walk around naked all the time?“ 

Stephen‘s face heating up again made Mike grin. „Yes please“, the younger boy mumbled from behind his hands, where he quickly hid his blushing face. 

„That boy‘s really comfortable in his skin, isn’t he? He really has no shame. Man, I can‘t imagine how awkward this has to be for you. Doesn’t it like... totally drive you crazy? And when he just like randomly starts stripping and-”

„Mikeyyy“, Stephen groaned, his face still hidden behind his hands, begging the other to drop the topic.

„Alright, alright, I’ll stop. Wouldn’t want to get you all hot and bothered-”

„Mike!“

„Okay, I promise I‘m done!“, Mikey lifted his hands placating with a chuckle. „Come on, we‘ve been here for a while. We should probably get back to set again. You good to return to that psych ward?“

Stephen knew what Mikey was actually trying to make sure off was that he felt capable of encountering Ronan again, but he had to admit his friend was right. Stephen could not just run away from Ro for forever. He was not going to tell him about his feeling yet - he only got to terms with them himself, he was definitely not ready to admit them - but he could not physically avoid him - their profession would not allow him to. And he definitely didn’t want to stay far away from him either, if he was being honest with himself. So he agreed and let the older boy help him to his feet. 

As the two of them made their way across the parking lot Mikey spoke up again, „I take it this is the reason you were so awkward when Ro... worried about you earlier?“

Stephen feebly nodded his head as an answer, rubbing his neck and trying to avoid eye contact with his friend.

„Yeah, I seriously gotta talk to him about clothing and personal space.“, Mike stated more to himself than the other boy.

The continued in comfortable silence until they reached the facility again. They walked inside together, but in the entry hall the two friends split up, Mikey patting Stephen‘s back before heading further into the building. Stephen, who was approached by their manager and the director upon his entrance assured the older men of his wellbeing before walking back to the dressing and styling rooms to get his hair and makeup touched up again. On his way there he heard Mikey‘s voice coming from one of the rooms he passed. 

„Dude, you can‘t be almost naked all the time! The poor staff! There are women among them too, you know! I don’t think they‘re quite comfortable with this! Also, we need to start filming soon! Why are you still not wearing a shirt?!“

Yeah, Mike was definitely talking to Ronan. Stephen chuckled imagining Ro pouting, trying to make Mikey stop reprimanding him. He imagined how his friend stood in front of the older boy, still shirtless so there was no way for him to plead innocent. Stephen imagined the adorable look on his face, the way his back muscles would tense as he pulled his shoulders forward like a shy child and the way he would fold his arms in front of his muscular chest and- Stephen had to shake his head to clear his thoughts as he realized he way daydreaming about the younger boy again. He had arrived at their dressing/styling room and willed his blush away before entering so nobody in there could notice.

Yeah, Stephen finally admitted it to himself. He was gay and in love with Ronan Keating. But it was still going to take a while until he would ever admit it to the other boy.


End file.
